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Post by magnus on Jan 26, 2012 23:56:10 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I The night was dark; the sky wasn’t a deep navy as it usually was, but an actual inky black that was so rarely seen. There were no stars either, and the moon was nowhere in sight from his vantage point. In other words… the night was damned perfect for his mission. Magnus was quiet, observing the house from his car parked across the street, just beyond some hedges that hid the black vehicle well in the night. The decision was made about a week ago, but today was the day he planned to act on it. It would be another little action that would be throwing his life for a loop once again, just as he had done about eight years ago. He had made a choice, a promise, and now he needed to follow through with it. If he was nothing else, he was a man of his word. Blue eyes flickered to the top floor as the last light in the window flickered off; Conrad’s room. He was usually the one who stayed up the latest, doing work or something that required him to stay up until ungodly hours during most days. Today was slightly earlier though; it was only two in the morning, and Magnus hadn’t gotten any sleep in the past two days. It was the anticipation, gnawing away at him and preventing him from sleeping or eating at all. Thankfully, his jobs were fairly light during the last week, and Ludwig didn’t have an issue or didn’t even seem to notice. Johan was probably asleep. He hoped he was asleep. His heart was beating like a caged animal in his chest, but he needed to wait a little more. He needed to make sure Conrad was asleep before he tried to get in. Coming home was harder than he’d expected. Every part of him told him to get out of here, to stop thinking about it, and to let them live their own lives. They might not forget about him soon, but they would eventually. Magnus clenched his teeth, taking a slow breath. He was so close though, and he’d had a week before to change his mind; he wasn’t flaking out the last second. And anyways, he thought as he stared down at his hands, gloves always came in pairs. He only had his left one on; his right he had given to Johan those few months ago when he had the run-in. A sigh, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. He had to wait. It would feel like forever and a couple of days, but he had to wait. And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 27, 2012 23:12:16 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | It was cold. It was always cold, really, or always felt like it. Like he was alone in the world. He always end up curled up, wrapped in on himself with the blankets pulled in tight. For a long time, it had just been him, alone at nights, and now there was something else - a single glove.
The glove was his link, the only sign that, maybe, one day he wasn't going to be alone. One day, Magnus would come back, and then things would be better - like they used to be, before he'd gone and ruined everything. Magnus would come back, and then... what? Konrad was gone, and Conrad had taken his place. Was Konrad going to come back? The timing was too perfect, the fact that Conrad had come out so soon after. It had been so painful, so agonizing. Was Magnus going to make him go through that again? He didn't want it to. As much as he'd loved Konrad, as much as he missed him, the transition was horrible, and Conrad was just as much of a person, even if he was a very, very bitter person.
The glove was always with him, now. No matter where he went, it was there, and even as he slept, it was curled into his hands. He'd panicked, the first few times he'd slept behind it and woke to find it gone, but it was always there, lost in the bed. Magnus hadn't snuck in and stole it back, like he feared.
That night he dreamt of nothing. There were no dreams to haunt him, only a quiet blackness. Nothing was special about that night, after all. There was no wonder, no special. The nightmares, at least, and the guilt had faded a bit, vanishing away with the glove. The glove was what protected him, after all, and chased away the things he feared.
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Post by magnus on Jan 28, 2012 1:27:47 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I Three in the morning… Still dark, no sign of sun and the moon was somewhere far away, doing her own thing. It was time to take the leap, and he didn’t look back as he slipped silently from the truck, taking care not to make a sound. Even though he was outside, he had to prime himself for the creaky floorboards and the groaning stairs. Conrad was a very, very light sleeper and he’d wake up at the faintest of noises. Johan, not so much. Conrad wasn’t who he was after tonight; he’d come after. He was a different set of nerves to deal with, and he had to be even more careful when he finally did come to deal with him. The was silent as he slowly inched it open, unlocking it with a copied key he’d gotten from a connection. The house was quiet; completely and utterly quiet, and the silence swallowed his thoughts whole. The smell of the place, the colour of the worn carpet near the fireplace, the couches and the paintings on the wall… He was ready to back out before he’d even set foot up the stairs. It was wave after wave of nostalgia and he didn’t want it; he didn’t want to feel these things causing him to go blind to reason or logic or anything else he functioned by. But he had to put up with it, didn’t he? Slowly, very slowly, blocking out everything in the living room and stepping over the creaky steps, bracing himself against the handrail. The hall stretched out before him, welcoming, yet foreboding all at once. His heart was beating in his ears, in his throat, and Magnus stood and stared. Those days he went crazy, and those long nights that were a haze in his mind… Thunderstorms and summer nights and his childhood, stretched out before him and reminding him that this was where he was supposed to be… Only he wasn’t, and that he was unwelcome here. Unwelcome? Magnus didn’t even peek into his room when he passed it; he was sure it was just how he left it. Johan would let nobody touch it, as far as he had been concerned. Dusting maybe once a month, but that was it. The bookmarks were still in their places, the pencils still in the desk… Everything. He didn’t doubt it, so he didn’t peek; that would be for later, if and when he got settled again. Settled. No, never. Never. Walking past Conrad’s room, not making a sound, to the door of Johan’s room and there was thunder and lightening going off in his head. A press of his palm against the wood, closing it behind him and there he was. Johan, his cousin, forever just a baby in his mind. Magnus wanted so badly to lie down next to him on the bed, wrap his arms around him and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just lay down and sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But… For once in his life, Magnus lacked the courage. He lacked the courage and Johan probably had a boyfriend that he wasn’t aware of and Magnus was gawky and Johan was gorgeous and the blond was boring and the brunette was endlessly fascinating. And if people were storms, he was a drizzle, and his cousin was a hurricane. So he crept up to the side of the bed, knelt next to it, and gently snaked his one gloved hand onto the covers. He didn’t want to touch him, afraid of waking him up. When in his life had he been so damned afraid. Gently, quietly, Magnus lay his head down on the covers, closing his eyes. He’d sleep, mere inches away from Johan, and hope that by morning, he wouldn’t be afraid anymore. And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 29, 2012 19:06:23 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | Sometimes, when Johan slept, the glove wasn't just a glove. Sometimes, it was a hand - Magnus's hand. He liked that, the possibility of Magnus's hand against his cheek, and sometimes, in his dreams, it wasn't just the sensation, but Magnus himself, telling him that he was back, and that things were fine, and that he'd forgiven his stupid, selfish little cousin.
Even in Johan's dreams, Magnus never loved him back. Even his dreams were realistic, knew that the best he could hope for was Magnus forgiving him, and leaving it at that. Magnus was better. He was never going to show any interest in a shrimpy little child like him. Even if he would, even if he might, it would all, of course, be stopped by who they were. It was sick and wrong and horrible, and it would never work.
Not even if he wanted it too.
Johan rarely had nightmares. Being awake was nightmare enough. When he dreamt, things were better. Konrad and Conrad were two different people, both happy and healthy. Magnus was there, a big brother, always watching over him. Pasha and Anya were living with them again, no longer crushed with the disappointment of Magnus's abandonment. Everything was better. Sometimes, in the dreams, it wasn't his fault - there was some other reason Magnus had left, some other reason that didn't involve him ruining everything.
His dream that night was normal - everything back in its place, everything better. There was no more guilt, there, but there were the first traces of sun, leaking in and telling him that no, it was time to go back to the real world, where everything was his fault. The glove was still at his cheek, still cradled against him as if, one day, it would be anything other then a glove.
He didn't want to move, but he was still a Mikhaylichenko-Molotov, and the fact that someone was nearby enough for him to hear them breathing didn't go unnoticed. It made him edgy and nervous, even if his first thought that it was Konrad. Sometimes, so rarely, Konrad was back - but those were rare, almost nonexistent in recent years. Why would he be here, now, sneaking into Johan's room? So he paused, shoved away the thought, and cracked his eyes open.
Magnus. It was Magnus, sitting there on the floor, resting against the bed with his arms against it. Asleep. Asleep and perfect, one gloved hand and one bare.
Not for one moment did Johan let himself believe it was anything but a dream. If he moved - if he thought to hard, or tried to touch it, the dream would be over, and Magnus would vanish like a mirage. Instead, he stayed still, simply watching Magnus sleep as he started to cry softly into his pillow.
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Post by magnus on Jan 29, 2012 19:36:07 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I Exhaustion brought on a dreamless night, and everything was black until morning. In a lot of ways, perhaps some part of his brain stayed half awake, continually thinking and working through scenarios and being completely and utterly aware of what was going on, while the rest of him slept. He didn’t actually wake up the whole night, dunked just under consciousness thanks to days on end of little or no sleep. He had been wary of this day for a long time, and he wanted so much just to make it go away. Make it all end and bring back logical thought, but that wasn’t going to happen. The morning sun registered, and some part of him told him that he should’ve been awake at the crack of dawn. The room was slowly warming as the rays filtered through the curtains, but for the life of him, he just couldn’t convince himself to wake up. He wanted to sleep forever, warm and sheltered from the storms in the waking world. He knew a storm was coming, and he knew he had to face it sometime… but not now, please not today. He slept later than he normally would have, brought down by sheer despair and exhaustion of days without rest until later in the morning. Magnus would’ve slept longer, much longer, perhaps forever and a day had a subtle shift in breathing not roused the interest of the part of his mind that was awake. Johan was… awake. His breathing had changed from soft and near inaudible to something louder, almost uneven and disrupted. His back was hurting and he was sure his leg hand gone numb thanks to the position he’d been lying in, but he needed to wake up. Something was wrong, and he needed to wake up. Groggy and slow, knowing that in most other situations, he wouldn’t be getting away with this. Pasha would’ve given him a mild concussion if he took more than two minutes to get out of bed, but he was taking just as long to wake up at all. But he did, eventually, turning his head so he was facing Johan because the rest of him was simply aching too badly to actually move yet. He was beautiful. Magnus never saw Johan as ‘handsome’ in his mind, but beautiful was something he definitely was. The brunette was older now, he hoped he was stronger, a little wiser. And he hoped that he was still the same Johan he used to sleep over with, the one who dragged him into cuddle piles with Konrad and the one who’d cook all the time because Anya and Pasha were bickering. Magnus wanted him back, and seeing him was growing unbearable, knowing that he might not have him anymore. ”…good morning.” Soft, quiet as to not startle him. He’d promised him, and so he’d followed through with it. He’d promised him that while ago that he’d wake up one morning and Magnus would be there, and he’d kept that, even if it was a little delayed. He hoped there were no hard feelings for that. As slowly as he could, as to not distress Johan in any way, Magnus reached out with his one gloved hand and began to wipe away the little drops on his cousin’s cheeks. ”You… you hate me, don’t you?” And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 29, 2012 20:05:02 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | The dream wasn't supposed to move. It was supposed to be still forever, until he woke and it faded away, until he couldn't even remember. He'd been afraid of that, for a long time. That the dream wouldn't just fade, but Magnus would too. That he'd forget what Magnus looked like, how he sounded. That he'd forget all those things that made Magnus special.
He'd stopped worrying. After five years, the bigger risk was that he'd never forget, never be able to look at anyone else without being reminded of him. He was like that, now. He saw someone with blue eyes and thought they were like Magnus's. He saw a glimpse of blond, slicked back hair and bolted through the crowds to find someone who looked like him. Magnus was everywhere, impossible to forget.
Only the dream was talking, and moving, and brushing away his tears. Dreams weren't supposed to do that, and it was wrong, and Johan could only sit there, nuzzling into the glove. The glove was real. This Magnus was... not. He couldn't real, because it was all so strange and odd. This Magnus wasn't real. Why would Magnus think that, after all? Why would Magnus think he hated him?
So Johan shifted, nuzzling into the hand, the warmth seeping through the glove it wore. Magnus. Why would he think that? "No." His voice was soft, sleepy. He didn't want to try and wake up, because then Magnus would be gone. "Never. I could never."
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Post by magnus on Jan 29, 2012 20:27:00 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I Gloves always came in a pair, Magnus thought, spotting the other glove that he had given his little cousin those few months ago when he’d practically killed himself running. He almost couldn’t believe that he was here, in the warm room of his old house, lying next to someone he never thought he’d get near again. It hurt him much more than he thought it would, the idea of having caused all the misery here. Anya and Pasha had moved away, probably bowing their heads in shame at the mere thought that Magnus had abandoned them. Pasha had probably disowned him by now. He wasn’t sure about Anya, but Pasha was that sort. He was a rough, callous man, to say the least. A small sigh, dragging himself just a fraction closer to Johan, closing the gap between them slowly as he wiped away his tears. Things would never be the same again, would they? Even if Johan said he wouldn’t hate him… he had a feeling that there would always be some degree of resentment. He’d left him all alone in the worst of times, caused Anya and Pasha to drift away, Konrad to go through that horrible transformation to Conrad, who was now cold and bitter as an old man. He’d rejected Johan in the worst way possible. ”Hm…” Finally, Magnus got his legs to work enough as to drag himself onto the bed. It was soft and he practically sunk into it, compared to what he’d been sleeping on lately. Nothing poked or prodded, and he felt like he could fall right back asleep again. He was closer to Johan now, still brushing his face with his one gloved hand but otherwise not touching him. He didn’t want to scare him, to hurt him or to do anything to him but… watch, he supposed. He wanted to see if he was still alright, after everything that he’d done. ”I’m sorry… for everything. For all those stupid things I did.” An actual, genuine apology. He wanted to scream it, to make sure he himself heard it and absorbed it, wanting everything to go away with those few words… Only that’s now how reality worked. There would always be that hurt of betrayal, the fact that he had been gone, even if he was back now. ”I would understand if… if you didn’t forgive me.” And if he wanted him gone again, he’d do so. Magnus, at this point, would’ve done anything. And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 29, 2012 22:04:56 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | His mind kept telling him that no, he wasn't supposed to be happy. It was all a dream, all some fantasy. Maybe he was ill, and this was just a hallucination. Maybe it was all some fevered dream, and he was dying, and whatever ruled the world decided to relieve his guilt before he died.
Or, maybe, it was true. Maybe Magnus was really there, back to reclaim his glove - the precious thing that Johan hadn't let go of. It hadn't left his person since he'd gotten it, just been kept with him forever, never to be parted. He slept with it in his hands. He carried it in his pockets wherever he went. The farthest it had gotten from him was waiting on the counter while he showered. Even then, he'd found himself obsessively peeking, just making sure that it was still there. He kept expecting to find it gone, missing, stolen back by Magnus, who'd decided he'd made a mistake. Magnus wasn't that stupid, of course. He'd buy a new pair of gloves.
He'd thought, of course, that Magnus would be there the next day. Only he hadn't. Nor the day after that, or the week after, or the month after. Months. It was months later, and now, maybe, he was there, in front of him, sitting there and asking if Johan hated him. He couldn't hate him if he tried. He could have struggled to do so and still would have failed.
His voice was still so soft when he spoke again, still afraid it would all fade away with the morning. "No. It was never your fault. I drove you away." He had, hadn't he? That was why Magnus had left. Why he was alone. "You can come back. Please." His voice wavered, almost breaking.
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Post by magnus on Jan 29, 2012 22:21:14 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I Magnus was almost expecting Johan to start interrogating him as soon as he had his wits about him. Where had he been, why had he left, what did he think was going to happen to the family once he did leave… Just about everything, and it drove the guilt deep into his chest. He didn’t want to feel bad now, of all times, but he did. It was possibly the first time he’d felt genuine guilt in his life, and all he wanted to do was get away from it. He wanted to close the gap between them; get as close as he possibly could, because for all he knew, rejection could come soon after. Johan may have said he wasn’t mad now, but how about later, when everything had finally sunk it? Perhaps Magnus was being way too paranoid, but he was endlessly worried now that he’d gone this far. Magnus still didn’t know what he felt for Johan, whether he still kept him close as family or wanted to keep him even closer than that. He didn’t know and for now, perhaps he didn’t want to put the effort into caring. It would come, sooner or later, just as this decision had with little notice. Johan’s voice was still feather-light, as if speaking any louder would scare him off. The guilt in his chest only intensified and his throat was going tight and his heart was beating so, so fast. What was he doing to him? Magnus blinked, feeling a sort of pressure behind his eyes and trying to hold it back. There was absolutely no way he was going to break down here and now, after seeing Johan face to face for the first time in ages. ”Don’t worry.” Slowly, afraid for whatever reason, he brought his arm up and around Johan, pulling his little cousin closer to him and letting him come on his own. Magnus was still afraid; still terrified of the prospects of just about everything involved with coming back. ”I’m back, and I won’t leave you again.” But he had made a promise he’d intended to keep, and so he’d come back, no matter what the consequences were. And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 30, 2012 21:33:29 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | The dream, the figment of his imagination, of his wishes, was closer now. He was touching him, was moving closer. There was contact.
Not a dream, then. That bit of contact meant it wasn't a dream, meant that Magnus was real, that he'd come back. Even in his dreams, Magnus never touched him, was always at a distance, never tender like he was now. His dreams were too consistent for this to be one.
Even knowing it was the real Magnus was so hard to believe. He'd come back. He really had - he was really there. Johan found himself crying softly, even though it was supposed to be a good thing. It wasn't even relief - just confusion and emotional exhaustion. He'd just woken up and he already couldn't take it, but he still moved anyway - stretching out his arms to wrap them around Magnus's shoulders, half out of bed for a moment before trying to half-pull Magnus up. Why was he on the floor? It was painful down there, and cold and uncomfortable.
"Don't ever leave." He mumbled softly, dragging himself closer. "Please don't ever leave." That was what he feared - that Magnus would vanish again, or would leave him, or something else equally horrible. "I'll never mention it again, and we can pretend it never happened, and everything will go back to being okay."
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Post by magnus on Jan 30, 2012 22:33:16 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I Johan looked like he’d already had enough, and it was barely half an hour since he first woke up. Still, Magnus would keep close if he wanted him there; he owed him that much at the very least. He owed him that closeness that he’d denied him for a good and long eight years, simply because he felt like he couldn’t take it. In retrospect, it was horribly selfish and an outright bad move on his part, but why he hadn’t admitted to it sooner and come back was beyond him. He liked what he could see out there, and not here, but that wasn’t a reason to just completely leave everyone like that. He would, in all matters, absolutely not be forgiven. Johan’s slender arms slowly came around his shoulders, tugging him onto the mattress, and he followed with little hesitation. It was soft, and the blankets were cozy and warm and so much better than what he’d come to be used to as of late. He curled up, wanting to fall back asleep right then and there, having fulfilled his promises and requirements, and never waking up again. He was done. He was tired and worn out and he wanted to be done. Hugging Johan closer now, pressed up against him and sharing his warmth because he felt so awfully cold. Magnus nuzzled his nose into Johan’s hair, burying in his scent and hoping he could just remember how good things used to be. Ah, he had messed up royally, hadn’t he? ”We’ll... talk about that later, okay?” Magnus just wanted to hold him, share their warmth and perhaps never let go. He didn’t want the morning to come at all; he just wanted to lie there and sleep. ”But you don’t have to worry anymore. I’m never leaving you and Conrad ever again.” It was another promise, and he absolutely needed to keep this one. And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 31, 2012 11:13:39 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | Magnus felt so warm - comfortable and wonderful. Johan nuzzled against him, against that comforting warmth, and simply let himself enjoy it, even for the moment. He'd come back. He really had. It wasn't a dream, even if part of him told him he was all wrong, that it was all going to fall apart in a moment. It was too good, to nice, too hard to believe. Magnus was here, though, was curled against him. Magnus. The person he'd missed for eight solid years. Everyone else had left, had abandoned hope one way or another, until only Johan was keeping up the unspoken vigil.
He hadn't moved. He hadn't changed anything, hadn't done much beyond dust Magnus's room, leaving it as a shrine of sorts, waiting for it's owner to get back. It was stupid and childish, but he'd done it anyway. It was still there, still waiting, even if Magnus didn't seem interested in it. Johan simply nosed against him, pressing tight and holding on like he was afraid Magnus was going to flee.
Never. It was a promise Magnus wouldn't be able to keep. If Johan had his way, Magnus would never leave his sight again - only he would, of course. He would want to go out, and spend time with other people, and Johan knew what he meant - that he'd never abandon them again. He knew that, and it still hurt anyway, so he kept his hold firm. "Don't ever leave..." He mumbled again, eyes squeezing shut. "I don't know where Konrad went. He's gone. I haven't seen him... in a very long time." Magnus had to know that. Had to know not to expect Konrad, when only Conrad was left.
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Post by magnus on Jan 31, 2012 17:58:12 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I The room was quickly becoming warmer, but he wasn’t protesting whatsoever. He wouldn’t mind at all just lying in bed with Johan all day, sleeping and talking and just catching up to everything that he’d missed in those eight years. Where were Pasha and Anya now? After they moved out, he’d kept few tabs on how they’ve been. He couldn’t be in two places at once, and quite frankly, the well being of the more vulnerable two was more important. Pasha and Anya could fend for themselves, and each other, if they needed it. ”I won’t…” He shushed him as soothingly as he possibly could, holding him and running his fingers through his hair on occasion. ”I won’t, don’t worry—“ Wait, what did Johan just say? Magnus paused with a start, moving back a fraction to look at his little cousin directly. For a second, he thought that Johan meant Konrad actually, physically left. Disappeared. For a split second, it was sheer panic. Konrad couldn’t survive on his own, even with his sporadic switches back to Conrad. He couldn’t go stumbling about like that, with nobody to help him, but what had caused him to up and leave? His panic was quickly brought to an end, however, when his logic kicked back in. Konrad wasn’t actually gone, but replaced. He’d only seem him a couple of days ago, after all, and Johan had said a ‘long time’. ”Is this… a good thing? Has he seen a doctor?” A psychiatrist? He wanted to add, but refrained from doing so. Konrad was teetering on the edge of crazy, but saying it out loud was a bit cruel, even if he wasn’t around. And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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Post by ress3 on Jan 31, 2012 20:28:05 GMT -5
[atrb=width,282px][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0px,true][atrb=cellspacing,0px,true][atrb=background,http://i.imgur.com/1TdVf.jpg,true] | It was so warm and comfortable, and he never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay there forever, curled against Magnus, and to just pretend like he'd never been left alone. That would be best, wouldn't it? To just stay here, like this. Eventually, they'd have to go, though. They'd have to part ways, even if it was just for a little bit. Johan had a job, after all, even if it was spotty and inconsistent, with no real schedule. There were still going to be times when he'd have to go to interviews, or galleries, and most of the time, Magnus wouldn't be able to come along. The thought of Magnus having a job of his own didn't even get considered - how could he have a stable job?
Magnus jerking away from him shouldn't have alarmed him as much as it did. He felt a bit of internal panic as he half lunged forward, closing the tiny distance to press against Magnus again. Was he running? Was it something he'd said? Only then Magnus relaxed, and Johan's brain filled him in on what he'd just said. Oh. Konrad. "I don't know if it is. Conrad is... he doesn't talk much. Mostly non-verbal. Even so, he's still more normal then Konrad was. He can pass for human. He doesn't even realize it, just thinks people pronounce his name wrong sometimes." Not for a long while, though. Everyone knew by now, had swapped over, and had stopped talking to someone who wasn't there. "He's... bitter. I don't know. I'm trying to cheer him up but I don't know how well I'm doing. I don't even know how to get him to talk to someone, when he doesn't think there's anything wrong." He'd be afraid of it, Johan was sure. he wouldn't want to talk to anyone.
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Post by magnus on Jan 31, 2012 22:13:17 GMT -5
Don’t say goodbye; I don’t wanna hear those words tonight Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I Johan had quickly scrambled to fill the gap between them again, and Magnus was oddly comforted by the fact that he was wanted. Years upon years of being expendable, even though it was to a lesser degree now, was tiring. The way his little cousin just held him like that made him feel better in ways that he had no idea how to describe, and so he decided to just leave it be. ”Hm... that’s concerning.” In the past, when he’d seen Conrad, it wasn’t always pleasant. It was either he was downright malicious, or he was eternally depressed. But being bitter was completely different. What was he so bitter about? The only thing he could come up with was the fact that Conrad was mad at him for going, and never got over it. ”Has he seen... seen a psychiatrist?” Magnus knew it was unlikely, but had Johan tried to? ”So... he only talks when there’s something wrong?” Yep, he’d have to drag him, screaming bloody murder, to a psychiatrist sooner or later. Epispect had insurance for that sort of thing, right? Magnus never checked; both he and Ludwig seemed to refuse to go to hospitals unless it was something extremely bad. If either of them needed stitches, the remedy would be a few swigs of alcohol, a needle and some fishing wire. The blond sighed, knowing that with Conrad, no matter how much therapy and monitoring he got, it was mostly a useless battle. He didn’t like to admit it, but perhaps Pasha had been correct when he said he was too far gone to ever be right again. ”But... you’ve been alright? You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping well.” And although we knew, this time would come for me and you Don’t say anything tonight, if you’re gonna say goodbye
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